Daddy Complex

•April 27, 2010 • Leave a Comment

All right, all you prudes out there, don’t get your panties in a bunch. I don’t have a daddy complex (meaning I want to have sex with guys that remind me of my dad). But I was thinking about dads tonight.

I was watching yesterday’s episode of Gossip Girl, which I had recorded on my DVR. Thank goodness for DVR. Anyway, in the episode, Serena has reunited with her biological father after like 14 years or something. And she has this really fabulous stepdad (who’s really hot, by the way, he’s the whole reason I started watching the show in the first place…I love you, Rufus!), but she is much more interested in her father, and kind of takes his side against her stepdad at one point in the show.

Even though he hasn’t been around for the last 14 years, it’s pretty obvious that Serena will choose her dad over Rufus any day. Why? What is it about our “biological” fathers that they have such a hold over us? By us, I mean all of us – whether you’re a child of divorce, as I am, or not. But it becomes especially obvious when you are a child of divorce, and you have a wonderful stepdad, as I do.

A somewhat similar set of events happened on another teeny-bopper show that I watch, called Life Unexpected. Not really the same, I guess, but there is the common thread of the biological dad versus the mom’s boyfriend. That’s a bit more complicated, with the whole teenage pregnancy/giving the kid up for adoption thing. But the same basic idea: Lux always wanted to find her “real” parents. And you can bet a bunch of money that she’d pick Baze over Ryan any day. As would I. Baze is f-king HOT.

Two of my sisters got married recently (not to the same man, nor on the same day, but they did get married a few months apart, kind of). My stepdad told me later that he had a really hard time with the way everyone apparently treated my father, as if he were some kind of fantastic guy…when really it was my stepdad who raised us, who taught us how to drive, who helped us when we had boy trouble, girl trouble, whatever…

It’s funny, you know. It’s very complicated, why women love who they love. Many times, there’s just no explanation. I don’t personally know who I would choose in a fight between my father and my stepdad. I love them both very much, even though my dad was kind of a shit, and my stepdad has never done anything to hurt any of us and I’m sure never would. It’s funny, the hold that a biological parent can have on us.

And it affects who we choose as mates in our lives, who we are attracted to, and why – I’m convinced of it. I used to say that I was fucked up about men because my dad left when I was seven. I don’t know anymore if this is true. Blood is thicker than marriage, as they say, so watch where you stick your you-know-whats, boys, because making a baby with someone is not as simple as it may seem. It may be easy, but it’s not simple. That kid will look to you for guidance, and if you’re not around, he or (especially) she will look for you until they find you. That’s how important you are to them. So don’t fuck it up.

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Prime Dupage

•April 26, 2010 • Leave a Comment

I found this article online today, when I was bored at work. The title is “Could you be duped into dating a married man like Jesse James duped Michelle Bombshell McGee?” #mce_temp_url# I swear, that’s the actual title of the article. I guess you can tell by the title that this is one quality article, with some bomb ass writing. Not.

I read it anyway, because it had the word “dupe” in it, which is a word I personally used in my last blog post. What a coincidence! I think it was the universe trying to tell me something. So I read the article.

I’m sure I could be duped into dating just about anyone. And that’s the truth. Sometimes I get so lonely and so incredibly desperate, that I would be willing to go out with the next guy who asks me. And usually, I do. Ugh. It’s all so annoying. Should I “settle?” Should I hold out for that one, “special” guy? Special, my ass. Special ed, more like it.

The last guy that I dated, the brentwood hello guy, seemed to make it a point not to tell me much about himself. In fact, he didn’t have a picture of himself up on his online dating profile. In the article, she says that this information withholding is usually a sign that a guy is trying to put one over on you. Yeah, he’s trying to put himself over on you.┬áLiterally and figuratively.

This is kind of embarrassing, but I went out with this guy at least five times, and I never knew his last name, what he did for a living, or anything much else about him. He tried to tell me that he was a real “alpha male,” and I needed to let him be the man in the relationship. Which I guess meant let him not tell me anything about himself (yes, I asked, halfheartedly, a few times), get me to give him a b.j., and then never call me again. Alpha males rock!

In addition, it appears from this article that when a man wants to talk about sex with you during your very first conversation, he may be married. Seriously? What man doesn’t want to talk about sex with you during your very first conversation? That means he’s married? Come on. Although, now that I think about it, the very first conversation I had with brentwood hello was a fairly serious phone sex conversation. Before we ever met, even. And I am not a big fan of phone sex…but his voice…mmmmm…

I wonder if brentwood hello was married? And maybe his wife found out about me/us, and that’s why he never called me again! Yes, that’s totally it! I love creating these movies in my head. It makes me feel so much better.

Here’s the thing. For some reason, I kind of don’t mind any of this crap. It’s entertaining, and certainly fun to write about after the fact. Would I be writing this right now if brentwood hello had continued calling me, if we had continued dating and had sex, and were a couple right now? Hell no. So, thanks, brentwood hello, for keeping my life interesting and keeping all of my readers (I think there are two) thoroughly entertained (I hope).

Ever notice there’s only one tiny difference between “dumped” and “duped?”

•April 26, 2010 • Leave a Comment

I’ve been dumped so many times recently my head is spinning. Or maybe I’ve just been duped. What’s the difference, really?

Last long-term relationship I was in? He dumped me.

Guy I met online? He dumped me.

Next guy I met online? He dumped me.

I’m noticing a pattern here.

Maybe I haven’t really been dumped all of these times because, really, you kind of have to be in a relationship to be dumped. I think. But I have been duped.

The real question is: who’s duping who? Are these guys duping me? Am I duping them? Am I duping myself?

Deep thoughts.

Speaking of deep…the last guy who dumped/duped me did so after I gave him what I like to call a “brentwood hello.” Look it up. Anyway, I only did it because we had been out a number of times, had made out a number of times, and I kinda felt like a jackass/cock tease for not sleeping with him – or at least doing something more than just kissing with him. So, I did it, it was nice, fine, whatever. And he never called me again.

I think I’m starting to get a complex. And I’m definitely becoming even more cynical than I already was. What kind of guy receives a blow job and then never calls the girl again? What kind of girl gives a guy a blow job and then never hears from him again? God. I’m so screwed.

I used to think that I wanted to get married, to have kids, etc. But now I just don’t know. My recent track record with dating has been so horrendous, so hideous, that I just don’t see myself ever meeting someone I can stand for more than five minutes, much less the rest of my life.

Fine, I can deal with that. But what about sex? Who am I supposed to have sex with? I hate online dating with a passion, and I haven’t met anyone I like in the real world in a while. And even when I think I kind of like someone, at least enough to brentwood hello him, he doesn’t reciprocate and then doesn’t call me again. I shoulda at least had him do something for me that night. I would have, if I had known it would be the last night I’d have the possibility for a while.

People reading this will think I’m some nasty, ugly, fat, unshaven slob. I swear, I’m really not. What’s a girl gotta do to get a guy these days?

That’s what this blog is for. No, not to find guys, dummy. For me to vent, to say the things I wouldn’t say even to my best friends. Cuz no one knows who I am, where I live, what I look like…or even if any of this is really true.

(Insert evil, witchy cackle here). Welcome to sex and the cynic, bitch. Buckle up.