Chelsea Handler Saves the Day

So I’m watching This Means War, and it’s not as bad as I had heard.

CH is definitely the best part of it, the funniest part for sure.

There’s this part toward the beginning that sums up the ridiculousness and horror of online dating. It is a telephone conversation between Reese Witherspoon’s character and Chelsea Handler’s character. In the movie they are, improbably, best friends that seem to have absolutely nothing in common. There is never anything explained about how they know each other, why they are friends, or anything like that; basically CH just provides some comic relief. Which is fine with me. It’s a pretty damn sexist movie, really, that portrays women as horny, boring, and not very smart. In addition, there is this interesting element where one of the two male leads is a real ladies man, and the movie acts like he is so much better than his poor pathetic friend at dating simply because he’s done more of it. That always bugs me. It’s like those of us who have dated a lot are somehow masters. As if.

Got off on a tangent there.

Anyway.

So, the conversation between RW and CH happens when RW discovers that CH has posted a profile of her on a dating site called It’sFate.net. And the title of her profile is “Come and Get It, Boys!” Maybe I would have had more responses to my online profile if I posted a photo of Reese Witherspoon with the title “Come and Get It, Boys!”

So RW calls CH and is really pissed, supposedly, that her friend did this without her knowledge. Here is, more or less, how their conversation goes:

RW: Bi-curious? Are you kidding me? And me – roller blading? What is this, 1994?

CH: You look adorable in those dolphin shorts, and men are gonna respond to that camel toe.

RW: I’m gonna kill you, Trish.

CH: Uh, how about “thank you?!”

RW: My entire office thinks I clean my house in a naughty nurse costume.

CH: That’s fine, that means you’re open to role playing, okay? We’re trying to cast a very wide net here, we don’t know what kinda guys you’re gonna get.

RW: You’ve got me here in a kegstand looking for a serious relationship. I don’t even know what that means.

CH: It means you’re flexible. Guys wanna know that you’re flexible, and that you’re good at gymnastics.

Thank you, Chelsea Handler, for making me laugh my ass off.

And at  least now I know how to create a good online profile in case I ever decide to subject myself to that lunacy again.

On second thought, I’d rather go read 50 Shades of Gray again instead.

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~ by cynicaldater on June 14, 2012.

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