Just call me karma, babe. And karma is a bitch.

I used to believe in karma. Until it started to come back to bite me in the ass. Now, I’m not so sure. Is it karma, or just the way people are, the way things are?

There were so many men that I screwed and then screwed over. No, that’s not completely true. But it sounds good.

I haven’t slept with that many men that I then screwed over. But what has happened is that, along the way, I have been a bitch. To many men (and women, for that matter). And now I’m wondering if it’s catching up to me.

There were many guys who I gave my phone number to who then called me. And I never called them back. This was mostly in my younger years, but still. There’s no excuse. There were some guys who called me many, many times and left me numerous messages, pleading with me to call them back…and I didn’t. And I really didn’t care.

I remember being like that. I remember being pursued, and not really caring. And now, it’s like the tables have turned. I’m being the opposite of pursued – I’m being dropped like a hot potato. And I have to wonder why. It must be something I’m doing, or saying…or the types of guys I’m attracting…or it’s karma. But I’m telling you, I’m not sure I believe in karma anymore. I’m afraid that’s just a convenient excuse or euphemism for “really bad luck” or “choosing really shitty guys who don’t care about me at all.”

I wrote in a previous post about being dumped/duped a lot recently. And I have to say that this is not normal for me. At least not so many times, in such a similar way, all within the space of a few months. Basically since the start of 2010. So I’ve had shitty luck with (shitty) men for the last four months…no wonder I’m cynical. It feels like a lot longer.

Here’s what happens. I meet someone (mostly online, on an online dating site). We go out, once. Then we go out again, because he’s okay, seems nice, and he paid for dinner. Great. And then…nothing. He says something vague at the end of the second date about getting together again, or, maybe he says nothing at all about it. It doesn’t really occur to me, because we had a good second date, so it just seems logical that of course I’ll hear from him again.

And then…I don’t hear from him again. Ever.

This happened to me once. And then, right after that, it happened to me again – with brentwood hello. That was even more odd, at least to me, because we went out at least five times before he stopped calling me.

I also have another guy that I’m kind of seeing, I suppose, someone who I recently reconnected with again after a long time…and our karmic curse is phone tag. He calls me, I miss his call. I call him back five minutes later, he doesn’t pick up. One night we went back and forth endless times until I finally flushed my phone down the toilet. I’m kidding. But we did go back and forth endless times until I finally gave up. Strange.

It was also weird how this all started: with my boyfriend of almost two years breaking up with me, quite abruptly, the day that I returned from a month-long work trip abroad. He literally picked me up at the airport, drove me home, and broke up with me. And let me tell you, this guy was not a guy that should have dumped me, at least not logically. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but he’ll never again be with a woman of my caliber. That’s for sure. I know that sounds egotistical, but it’s true.

So what the hell is going on?

Like I said, just call me karma, babe. And karma, apparently, is a real bitch.

Either that, or I am…


~ by cynicaldater on April 30, 2010.

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