Daddy Complex

All right, all you prudes out there, don’t get your panties in a bunch. I don’t have a daddy complex (meaning I want to have sex with guys that remind me of my dad). But I was thinking about dads tonight.

I was watching yesterday’s episode of Gossip Girl, which I had recorded on my DVR. Thank goodness for DVR. Anyway, in the episode, Serena has reunited with her biological father after like 14 years or something. And she has this really fabulous stepdad (who’s really hot, by the way, he’s the whole reason I started watching the show in the first place…I love you, Rufus!), but she is much more interested in her father, and kind of takes his side against her stepdad at one point in the show.

Even though he hasn’t been around for the last 14 years, it’s pretty obvious that Serena will choose her dad over Rufus any day. Why? What is it about our “biological” fathers that they have such a hold over us? By us, I mean all of us – whether you’re a child of divorce, as I am, or not. But it becomes especially obvious when you are a child of divorce, and you have a wonderful stepdad, as I do.

A somewhat similar set of events happened on another teeny-bopper show that I watch, called Life Unexpected. Not really the same, I guess, but there is the common thread of the biological dad versus the mom’s boyfriend. That’s a bit more complicated, with the whole teenage pregnancy/giving the kid up for adoption thing. But the same basic idea: Lux always wanted to find her “real” parents. And you can bet a bunch of money that she’d pick Baze over Ryan any day. As would I. Baze is f-king HOT.

Two of my sisters got married recently (not to the same man, nor on the same day, but they did get married a few months apart, kind of). My stepdad told me later that he had a really hard time with the way everyone apparently treated my father, as if he were some kind of fantastic guy…when really it was my stepdad who raised us, who taught us how to drive, who helped us when we had boy trouble, girl trouble, whatever…

It’s funny, you know. It’s very complicated, why women love who they love. Many times, there’s just no explanation. I don’t personally know who I would choose in a fight between my father and my stepdad. I love them both very much, even though my dad was kind of a shit, and my stepdad has never done anything to hurt any of us and I’m sure never would. It’s funny, the hold that a biological parent can have on us.

And it affects who we choose as mates in our lives, who we are attracted to, and why – I’m convinced of it. I used to say that I was fucked up about men because my dad left when I was seven. I don’t know anymore if this is true. Blood is thicker than marriage, as they say, so watch where you stick your you-know-whats, boys, because making a baby with someone is not as simple as it may seem. It may be easy, but it’s not simple. That kid will look to you for guidance, and if you’re not around, he or (especially) she will look for you until they find you. That’s how important you are to them. So don’t fuck it up.

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~ by cynicaldater on April 27, 2010.

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