Nice truck, sorry about your penis

I found this the other day, supposedly it’s a bumper sticker that was spotted on someone’s bumper (duh).

“Nice truck, sorry about your penis.”

It’s funny, but sadly true.

Girls, isn’t it kind of a known fact that men with small johnsons always seem like they’re trying to overcompensate? Can’t you just tell that they have small penises? By the way, I just looked up “penis” to find out what the plural form is. And, apparently, it could be either “penises” or “penes.” Penes? WTF? There’s also a kind of creepy photo, on Wikipedia, of a weenie. Weird. Check it out:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penis

And men with big ones act…well, they act pretty fucking confident, really.

I have a theory. My theory is that you can guess, pretty accurately, a man’s penis size by his amount of charisma/confidence. And I have some experience that proves my theory to be correct. Not saying that this is a scientific theory, or a surprising one. But it’s mine.

Part of my theory includes talking about sex, and talking about it a lot. Men with big ones seem to love to talk about sex, while men with small ones don’t seem to enjoy this as much. Why? I don’t know. Maybe because men with small wieners don’t like to be reminded of this fact – which is what sex talk does, reminds them that they’re tiny. Whereas men with big wieners love to be reminded of the fact that they are well endowed.

Also, any man with a really big, lifted truck, with big mud tires on it? Small wiener. Any man wearing an Ed Hardy shirt? Small wiener. Any man who likes to whip out a money clip with a wad of cash in it, all the time? Small wiener. You get my drift.

Now we come to the real question: how much of a difference does size truly make during sex (for a woman, I mean)?

I’ve been thinking about this a lot, ever since I read this post back in March by Mike the Master Dater (whoever he is): http://www.mikethemasterdater.com/2010/03/31/big-noses-long-hoses-–-how-to-spot-a-keeper/

The comments on that post are pretty hilarious.

Basically, it seems like (big surprise) there’s no real consensus. Everyone has their own opinion about this topic, as they should. Personally, I’d just be happy with a penis. Any penis, at this point.

The penis size…whatever. But the confidence size…now that’s a different story. I much prefer a man with confidence than a wuss bag (that’s a term I learned from brentwood hello. Funny, no?). I always dated wuss bags in the past, but no more. They’re so damn boring, and really not what I’m looking for at all. So, I guess I need to look for a guy with long fingers, a big nose, and huge feet. That guy will have confidence up the ying-yang. Shouldn’t be too hard to spot.

~ by cynicaldater on April 30, 2010.

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